Mark Cotoia’s Guide to ‘Ums’ and ‘Uhs’

8 minutes and 15 seconds of glorious uncertainty

We’re taking advice from Mark Cotoia now?

No, not really. I guess this is less of a ‘guide to’ and more of a ‘compilation to teach Mark Cotoia a lesson’. If you listen to the podcast, you may have noticed how often Mark says ‘um’. You may have noticed how often he ‘uhs’ in the middle of sentences. If you haven’t noticed, you will now. Espcially if you watch the video at the bottom of this post.

When we first started recording way back at the end of 2016, we used to tape a sheet of paper that said “No UMMMs or Uhhhs” to the front of his microphone in order to curb his usage of the two vocal hesitations. It only sort of worked.

A helpful reminder for Mark Cotoia
Clearly this strategy was ineffective.

So starting in September with the Sonic the Hedgehog episode, I decided I was going to teach Mark a lesson (hopefully). During the editing process I started to take every single one of Mark’s ‘ums’, ‘uhs’ and other similar non-lexical utterances and I put them all in a single file. For the next 17 episodes, ending with the Christmas Special, I eventually put together this 8 minute and 15 second ode to uncertainty.

It took forever. A more ambitious me wants to edit them all into a song (he hits a lot of different pitches and notes. It’s pretty impressive), but that also seems like so much work. However, if any of you feel like you’re up to the task, you have my permission to remix it however you want.

Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for:

Was it everything you ever hoped for? Do you see what I have to deal with? The average ‘um’ is about a third of a second long. That’s 1485 ums. And I can guarantee you that I missed some during the editing process.

I hope you enjoyed my efforts,and I hope this encourages Mark to end his love affair with speech disfluency. It won’t, but wouldn’t that be a great New Years resolution for him?

Final Things

If you like the things we do, you can hit up our Patreon and help us out in ensuring we can continue creating the content you love.

And of course, don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube Channel to make sure you never miss out on an update. And be sure to check out the podcast on iTunes

If you have any suggestions for future episodes or just want to say ‘what’s up?’, you can contact us here, or on Facebook.